


still got it (whatever it is)

by 4n6ry64y57r1n6834n



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Background Allison/Patrick, Bad Sex, Cream Pie, Cunnilingus, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Incest, age gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21881725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4n6ry64y57r1n6834n/pseuds/4n6ry64y57r1n6834n
Summary: Allison and Five bond over lost love, and whatever it is that Allison had.
Relationships: Dolores/Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy/Allison Hargreeves
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	still got it (whatever it is)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is Allison with Five in his 13 year old body. Is this underage? Is this age gap because he's 58? I don't fuckin' know! A million thank yous to El for betaing.

"Y'know," Five said, in a reflective tone of voice, "I think I drink too much." He had his elbows on the table, and was staring down into a tumbler of Dad's good scotch. 

Allison was still getting used to the incongruous sight of a teenager drinking alcohol, but she was nursing her own glass of whiskey, and didn't really have a good response. She had probably been drinking too much herself lately. 

"Dolores used to hate when I drank," Five added. "Made me surly." His expression went sour. "It was less easy to get me drunk before I got stuck like... this." 

Allison sipped her own drink and made a vaguely agreeable noise. The two of them had drifted together into the kitchen, the way the family always seemed to. They didn't really have it in them to actively seek each other out, but they somehow found ways to be around each other coincidentally. She had described it to Patrick once, and he had said that they were like a family of cats. She had protested, he had made a big show of rubbing her behind the ears, and when they'd had sex she had scratched down his back as she came. 

It had been hot at the time, hot and sweet, but now the memory made her sullenly horny. Maybe that was why she ended up saying what she did. 

"Do you miss it?" She swirled her whiskey in its glass, looked over at him sidelong. The lights seemed to be haloing him, and he looked like some painting of a young saint. 

"Miss what?" He looked back at her, one eyebrow up. He was drinking the scotch faster than he should have been. Allison had never been one for scotch, but as far as she knew, it was supposed to be _savored_. 

"You know. Being... different. Being in an adult body. Like you were before." She sipped her whiskey, and it burned on its way down her throat, spreading like a firework.

"Obviously," said Five, and he looked annoyed. "How could I not?" 

"I know a lot of people who'd kill to get a chance to be young all over again," Allison said idly. 

"I'm going through puberty _again_," Five said. "Would you want that?" 

"Puberty wasn't too bad," Allison said. "Being an adult is better, don't get me wrong, but it could have been worse."

"Not all of us can rumor other people into not laughing at their pimples," said Five. "As if you even got pimples."

Allison made a dismissive hand gesture. "I had pimples," she said. "But it wasn't that bad. Your skin is fine."

"My skin isn't what gives me trouble," Five grumbled. 

Allison raised an eyebrow. 

"I can't _think_ straight," Five burst out. "It was simpler in the Apocalypse. There were fewer distractions."

"Distractions," Allison echoed, her voice flat. 

"When you're scrabbling for survival and there aren't any other humans around, it's harder to worry about getting an erection at random," said Five, and he was wobbling, probably feeling the alcohol. "I was malnourished enough that I wasn't really able to get hard or… any of that, for a long time." He made a grand gesture, and somehow he managed to not spill anything. "Now, I see someone's… collarbones, and I need to take a cold shower."

"It happens to the best of us," Allison said, and she was trying not to giggle. She was aware, suddenly, that her shirt's collar was wide enough that her collarbones were showing. 

"Don't condescend to me," said Five. "I doubt you'd understand." His eyes kept darting around, as if he wasn't sure where to look. She tried not to preen. 

"I'm divorced," Allison reminded Five, and why was she telling him this? It felt distinctly uncomfortable to say that to her little brother who was also her older brother. "It's been a while. Even before we were divorced, things were… not exactly comfortable."

"Still," said Five. "It's different for you." He was turning very red. 

"Well," said Allison, and she took a sip of her drink, "how so?" Her face was getting hot, and she was trying not to… squirm. Some kind of tension was growing between the two of them, and she wasn't sure what to do with her eyes. She kept meeting Five's gaze, then looking back down at her drink, her hands, the table, back at his face. 

"You're a famous actress! Anyone with eyes wants you! You're beautiful and famous, you're hot as hell…" He was turning pinker. "The only people who would be interested in me would be pedophiles."

"What about Dolores?" 

"Dolores has moved on with her life," said Five, and his face did something intense. 

"I'm sorry," Allison said, because it felt like the right thing to say. 

"It's good for both of us," Five said, and he looked into Allison's face with a challenging expression. "It's just like that sometimes. What can you do?"

"Seems we're both in the same boat, in our own ways," Allison said, and she swirled her drink in her glass. 

"I don't think your ex was the great love of your life," said Five, and his expression was canny in a way that made her intensely uncomfortable. 

"No," said Allison, and she was thinking entirely the wrong thing. 

“You should make your move,” Five said, and then he was teleporting over to her side of the table, and she was staring up into his face. He was sitting on the table, and his feet dangled down. 

“Which move?” She put her drink down. He was close enough to her that she could feel the warmth off of his thigh. She stood up, so that her head was higher than his, because that seemed important, and he scowled up at her. His face was still so _young_ \- it was the face he’d had when she was young, the face she’d always known as his. She’d never seen him as an adult, apart from that brief glimpse of him through that weird portal… whatever it was. 

She didn't know him, not really. Sometimes it felt like there wasn’t much _to_ know, beyond curmudgeon and coffee and time travel. Some part of her chest ached, for how much she missed her brother. 

Maybe that was why she kissed him. It was a simple kiss at first, pressing her mouth against his, pulling back. She stared into his face, faintly shocked that she’d done it (faintly shocked that she’d kissed her brother like that, and it hadn’t been Luther), half worried he’d… what, make fun of her? Yell at her? Lecture her?

Instead, Five’s hands went to her waist, and he pulled her closer. He kissed her this time, and there was a desperation to it that was a tad… unsettling. 

Five kissed Allison like he was trying to eat her face. He opened his mouth a little too wide, moved his jaw a little too vigorously, and he sucked on her tongue like he was trying to get to the creamy center. He was drooling down her chin - or maybe that was her drool? - and when they pulled apart, she could feel a damp spot on her shirt. 

Five looked up at her, his cheeks very red, his lips very swollen. He was shaking, and his hands were clutching at her hips, balling up the fabric of her shirt. "I'm not used to this body," he told her. 

"It's fine," she assured him. "Totally fine." She wasn't sure what was more embarrassing - the fact that he was so clumsy and awkward, or that she was so sexually frustrated that she was willing to go along with... whatever this was. It had to be better than continuing to shoot Luther hopeful looks and masturbating in her childhood bed. 

"I'm better in _my_ body," said Five. 

"I'm sure you're a regular time travel Don Juan assassin," Allison said in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. She let her fingers slide along the back of his neck, where his hair was a little longer, and she felt him break out in goosebumps and shiver against her. 

"When you put it like that, you make me sound like someone who assassinates Don Juans," Five scolded. 

Allison rolled her eyes, and she leaned in to kiss him again. At least she now had a way to shut him up when he was being pedantic. Judging by the way he pressed closer to her, he didn't seem to mind. Her hands on his face, her thumbs stroking along his cheekbones. He was gentler this time, following her lead, although still clumsy. When they pulled apart again, his chest was heaving, and he licked his lips. "We probably should move out of the kitchen," he said, and his voice cracked. 

"Your room or mine?" She tried to make it sound sultry, and not... awkward. She wasn't sure if she succeeded. 

"I know the way to mine better," Five said, and he held on to her a little tighter. Then the whole world seemed to _squeeze_, and she was landing on his bed. The springs squealed. Mom must have left the light on, or maybe he’d found some way to turn them on when they were teleporting in. Maybe she was thinking about this a little too hard. 

"Oh," Allison said, lacking any other response. He was crouched between her legs now, and his hands were on her waist. Nobody had held her with this kind of intense intimacy since she’d traveled back in time. 

Five kissed her again, and then he was pushing her hair over her shoulder, to mouth along her neck. He kept his teeth covered by his lips, but it was still very... wet. It was all very soggy. His fingers slid under the hem of her t-shirt, but stayed resting on the soft padding along her waist. 

She let her head be tilted back, as he nipped at her collarbone, pushing her shirt to the side. Her own hands were resting on his shoulders, and then she moved them to his shaggy hair, tugging it gently. He made a punched-out, breathless sound against the skin of her neck, and he shivered convulsively against her. It was nice, how responsive he was. Although their size difference was almost comical. 

She tried not to think about it too hard, even if it was all a bit... weird. He was her brother, and he might have looked like he was thirteen, but he wasn't. He was a lot older than she was. 

"Can I...?" The very tips of his fingers were hovering over the swell of her breast under her shirt. His face was very red, and his hair was ruffled where she had raked her fingers through it. 

She covered his hand with her own, guided it up. "This might be a little easier if I took my shirt off," she said, although would that break whatever spell it was they were under? This all felt... surreal. Almost dreamlike in quality. The whiskey was making her head spin enough to make everything faintly off balance, and Five's hands were bony as they grasped her breast through her bra, weighing it in his hand. 

"They're different," he said, and he licked his lips. "From Dolores’." 

_Despite what the tabloids have speculated, mine aren't actually made of plastic_, Allison thought but didn't say. Instead, she leaned back, and she pulled her shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the side. She couldn't help preening at the way Five looked at her, like he was terrified and amazed at the same time. She saw his eyes dart to his hand on her breast, to her face, to his hand again. She saw him swallow, his throat bobbing. 

"Different," Five echoed, and he pressed his face forward, into her cleavage. His mouth was wet and hot as it moved along the top of her breast, his breath almost ticklish over the damp skin.

He sucked on her other nipple, twisting the wet one. He bit her, and she shuddered, then tugged gently at his hair. "I hope it's a good different," said Allison. _I will not feel inadequate compared to a department store mannequin, that is a level of desperation I refuse to sink to._ As opposed to letting her older-younger brother mouth at her nipples through the lace of her bra. 

"It's a different-different," said Five, and then he sat up a bit, to reach around her. "Let me just..." His fingers fumbled with the clasp of her bra. Lacking anything else to do, she moved her hands to his back, up under his shirt. He was almost feverishly hot, and he was shaking as her fingers trailed along the flat planes of his back. "I can't concentrate if you do that," he huffed into her neck, and he sounded so indignant that she had to grin, her nose pressed into his temple.

"I could do it," she said, and she dug her nails in, raking them up his back. 

He shuddered against her, and made a needy noise. She wished she could see his face, as he arched into her. She could feel him hard in his shorts, pressed up against her thigh. She ground against it, and he made another desperate noise, and then he just pushed the bra up over her breasts, and took them into his hands, pressing them together and pressing his face into the space between them.

Allison resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She shivered as his thumbs passed over her nipples, and then he was pinching them roughly, which was just this side of too much. Her hips jerked forwards, and he gasped, his own hips grinding against hers. Her own hands went to fumble his shirt open, and then she was pushing his undershirt up, and his heart was beating desperately under the palm of her hand, his nipple hard. She pinched it, and he moaned harder. His mouth moved down, and then he was sucking on her nipple, taking as much of her breast into his mouth as he could and sucking hard enough that it was borderline painful. 

"You're so _warm_," Five breathed, and then he moved to her other nipple. 

"A little gentler with my nipples, please,” Allison said, and she tried to keep her tone serious. This all felt… awkward. They’d seen each other naked a few times when they were kids, since sometimes they had to decontaminate from a chemical attack, or one of their uniforms was shredded by a particularly creative wannabe villain. There had also been that one strange man who had trained all of those moths…

“Sorry,” said Five, and he tweaked her nipple a little lighter this time, pulling her out of her remembering. “I’m used to Dolores. She likes it rougher."

_How can you be used to Dolores, she doesn’t even have nipples_, yelled some gibbering part of Allison’s brain, but she ignored it pointedly, pushing her hand down the back of his shorts, digging her nails in. He gasped against her again, and he was trembling. 

"Are you alright?' Allison pulled her hand out of his shorts, looked him in the face. "If this is too much -"

He shoved himself against her and kissed her harder, his tongue jammed into her mouth, the buttons of his shirt digging into her bare belly. "It is _not_ too much," he said, and his voice was rough. "You should take your pants off," he added, and he was clearly trying to pitch his voice lower. 

"So should you," said Allison. She was pushing his jacket down his shoulders, and the bare expanse of his neck made him look unbearably young and vulnerable. It made something clench up in her throat, something not altogether pleasant. 

"What?" Five let go of her, to lean back on his heels and shrug out of his jacket, taking his tie off and tossing it to the side, then beginning to unbutton his shirt. His chest was very thin and very bony under his white undershirt. He was keeping that on, and she wasn't sure if she was grateful or disappointed. 

"Nothing," Allison said, and she cleared her throat. "I just... it's been a while." She shifted, swinging her leg over his, and then she was engaging in the time-honored tradition of trying to remove her pants while lying down. She kicked them off, and then she was sitting on her brother's bed in just her lacy blue panties, and he was looking at her like a deer in the headlights.

Five shook himself, as if he was trying to get his head back into whatever it was he was doing. "It's been a long time for me, too," he said, and his voice was quiet. There was a lot of history there, the kind of history that Allison didn't know, except that there was a haunted look in his eyes that made her heart ache. 

She leaned forward, took his face in her hand, and she kissed him with an aching sweetness that made her stomach clench. He was holding on to her so tightly, as if he was afraid that she would disappear, and he was shaking again. 

"It's been so long," he said quietly, "and you're so warm."

Allison's hands went to the front of his shorts, and it was her turn to hover her hand over him. She caught his eye, and then she curved her palm over the bulge of his erection, and gave it a cautious squeeze.

Five gasped, and his hips jerked forward. "_Fuck_," Five said, and his voice cracked all over again. "Oh god." 

"Yeah?" Allison squeezed again, and he made a noise that might have been a sob. "How's that?"

"If you keep doing that, I'm going to come in my pants," Five said, and his voice was surprisingly level. 

"I guess you'd better take them off then," said Allison. "It'd certainly solve the problem."

"I've got better stamina in my body," said Five. "I promise." He made a face. "I don't have any of... this kind of experience, in this body." He leaned back as well, and he was wriggling out of his shorts and his underwear, leaving him in just the white undershirt. 

Allison tried not to stare. He didn't have much pubic hair, and he was very pink. His cock jutted up, and was pressed up against his belly. It was very wet, and dripping pre-come down the shaft. The head was practically purple, his foreskin pulled back. "I'm glad to know you're enjoying yourself," she said, trying to sound casual and also trying not to stare too hard. This was all going weird places. 

"Of course I am," Five said sharply, and then he was pressing himself against her again, kissing her on the mouth all over again, licking into her mouth. His hands were on her breasts, grabbing and kneading them, his hips rolling forward. He was rubbing his cock against her belly, and it was smearing a line of pre-come along her skin. She held on to his hips, and she kissed him back, trying to guide the kiss into something that was a little bit less slobbery, a bit more controlled. 

It was all a weird mix of off-putting and endearing. Five was horrible at this. Flat-out horrible - he kissed like he was used to... well, kissing a mannequin. She wasn't sure if he'd ever actually _been_ with a human being, and she wasn't really sure how to ask him that without making it weird, and possibly putting him in a sulking mood that would last for who even knew how long. She had _committed_ to doing this, and like fuck if she was going to back off. 

She buried her fingers in his hair and she pulled on it, hard enough to make him shudder against her all over again, and she sucked on his lower lip, digging her teeth in with just enough force to make him gasp, and then he was crying out, and there was wetness against her belly, his cock twitching. 

"Um," said Five, and he sounded an interesting mix of embarrassed and annoyed. "That isn't… I've usually got better…"

"Did you just come?" Allison very much did not wrinkle her nose at the sensation of the slimy, warm wetness dripping down her belly. He was still hard, and twitching against her. 

Five was flushing dark red, and he was scowling. "I'll be able to get hard again soon," he said. "Just… give me a few minutes."

"Of course," said Allison. "It happens to -"

Five kissed her again, and one of his hands was crammed between her thighs. The edge of it was pressed against the front of her panties, and he was grinding. He was holding her hair, pulling on it, and she shuddered. He was rubbing against her clit, and his come was smearing across his undershirt. She was getting wetter, and his kissing was becoming a little less clumsy. 

She let him maneuver her onto her back, and then he was on top of her. Their size difference was… pretty apparent. She bit her lip and firmly told herself not to laugh. _Five and Vanya are the same height - would it be this weird with her?_ No, that wasn't a road she was going to go down. 

At least, not right now. But it she was going to let Five suck on her nipples and clumsily kiss down her belly, well… Who knew what she might do next. 

Allison spread her legs wider, and Five's breath was ticklish over her inner thighs. Then his fingers were sliding under the waistband of her panties, carefully pulling them down her legs, then throwing them to the side. He leaned forward, his breath hot over her vulva, and she tried to remember the last time she had been in this position. 

Patrick, his beard scratching her inner thighs as he kissed along them, his lips dry. Her inner thighs had always been sensitive, and she could feel the heat beginning to rise in her stomach as Five’s fingers traced over them. Her toes curled against his sides, as Five began to kiss the crease of where her torso met her leg. His tongue was slippery and hot, and she sighed, letting herself fall into it. 

Five's tongue was... very there. Very wet, very thick as it ran over her clit, over and over again. At least he could _find_ her clit, which was more than some of the guys she had slept with had going for them. He was sloppy and clumsy, and it wasn't exactly... sexy, but at least it wasn't killing the arousal in her stomach. Maybe he'd find some finesse, with guidance. 

The problem was that Five didn't really... take to guidance. She ended up with her hands in his hair, grinding her hips up, because it was hard to articulate what it was that he was doing wrong, except that it didn't feel exactly right. She hadn't realized just how good Patrick was at cunnilingus, come to think of it. If they were still talking to each other with anything like affection she might actually have been able to thank him. Maybe if they got on better terms, she'd have to bring it up.

"Allison?" Five's voice brought her out of her meditations. It probably wasn't good to be in a meditative state when she was getting eaten out, but... well, it wasn't _bad_, per se? It was just boring. 

"Mmm?" She blinked down at him from between the valley of her breasts. 

"If we keep this up, I'm going to come again," he said. He was very pink, and his mouth was wet with her arousal and his own spit. That sent a surprising little thrill of heat down into the roots of her gut. “Just… lying like this.” 

"Oh," said Allison. "Would you want to... fuck me?" She licked her lips, and watched his tongue trace over his own lips. Another little thrill of heat. 

Five scowled. "I'm already fucking you," he pointed out, and he brushed his thumb across her clit, which was just interesting enough to make her hips wriggle. 

"You know what I mean," Allison said, making a face. "I can't believe you're a pedantic asshole even at a time like this."

Five's face did something complicated, then. "You sound like Dolores," he said. 

_I'm not going to start laughing_, Allison told herself firmly. "Did she like it when you ate her out?" _Dolores doesn't even have a lower half, how would she enjoy it in the first place?_

"She taught me pretty well," said Five, and now his expression went fond. 

"Right," said Allison, lacking anything else to say, then, "do you want to have... regular sex?"

"In what world is this not regular sex?" Five sat up on his heels, and he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "In terms of regular sex acts, I think this is probably one of the most normal ones."

"You know what I mean," Allison repeated, then, "wait, what makes a sex act unusual?" 

"I've seen some things," Five said, and he sounded more like a war veteran than someone recounting... whatever it was he was recounting. 

"If you don't want to..." Allison began. She was well aware of how _naked_ she was, how he was nearly naked. She was far too aware of their size difference - the image of a corgi trying to fuck a wolfhound popped into her head, and she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing outright. A little bubble of laughter escaped anyway, like a bubble of swamp gas, and Five glared at her, then scrabbled up her body. 

He kissed her, and his mouth tasted like her. He had one of her pubic hairs stuck to his chin. His mouth was hot and wet, and there was something appealing in the frantic way he was holding on to her, the way his hands were on her breasts again. He shivered, and his cock twitched against her belly. "I'd like to put my penis in you," he told her, his lips moving against hers, and she was digging her fingers into her own palms to keep from giggling all over again.

"Right," she said, and she cleared her throat. "I'd be... I'd like that." She was... curious. Sort of. She wasn't sure what she was curious about, but she'd also gotten this far, so why not finish it? 

Her therapist had called that the sunk cost fallacy, and had told her that she needed to stop doing it. 

"Do you have condoms?" Five seemed to be fascinated with her breasts. He kept squeezing, then letting go, as if he wasn't used to the sensation of giving flesh. Then again, his main source of any kind of sex and romance for who knew how long was made entirely of unyielding plastic. 

"I've got an IUD," said Allison. "If you don't want to wear one."

Five paused. "Mom gave me a check up the other day," he said, and he cleared his throat. "If you're okay with that?"

"Go for it," Allison said, and she spread her legs a little wider. 

"Dolores always made me wear a rubber," said Five, and he was trembling again, as he pressed himself closer to her. The wet head of his cock was smearing across her thigh, and then his hands were going to her hips. 

"Right," Allison said, and she swallowed, her throat clicking. She reached between the two of them, to spread her labia, and the blunt head of his cock brushed across the backs of her fingers. Then he was guiding it as well, and his thin fingers were sliding inside of her. She sighed, and she clenched around them. Five withdrew his fingers hurriedly, and she glanced up at his face, and saw that he looked stricken. “Are you alright?” 

“Fine,” he said, and he licked his lips, then wiped his fingers on the bedsheets. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready,” she said solemnly. This was all so _weird_. Almost like a dream. 

Five’s cock slid into her, and his hands were very sweaty on her thighs, his thumbs dimpling the skin. His cock was… there. It wasn’t the slimmest thing she’d ever had in herself - she’d experimented with fucking herself with markers when she was young and horny and still living at home. She was still sticking skinny things inside of herself. Although was Five a skinny thing, or his cock? 

Allison bit back another laugh, and she looked into his face as he pushed his hips forward again, until his groin was snug against her own. He was sweaty against her, and he was shaking, his bony hips forcing her thighs apart. It was… something. He was grinding forward, just enough to send little sparks up her back, and he rolled his hips forward. 

“You feel good,” he said, and his voice cracked again. “You feel… you feel so good Allison, so… so… _ah_!” 

There was a rush of heat and wetness inside of her, and his face was going red, his head tilted back. He was trembling, as he came inside of her, and she couldn’t entirely understand what was going on with his face, but a tear might have been tracking down his face. She propped herself up on one elbow, until she was nearly sitting up, and she cupped his cheek, her thumb on his cheekbone. 

He looked at her, and they shared… something. She didn’t know what it was. “I miss her,” he said, and his voice was very quiet. His cock slid out of her, and a rush of come smeared across her inner thighs. 

“I know,” she said, then, “I’m sorry I’m not her.” 

He sniffed, sat back, and wiped his face on the back of his hand. His expression had turned defiant now, daring her to say something. “Don’t be,” he said shortly, then, “do you want me to -”

“No,” Allison said quickly. She was suddenly tired of this, tired of all of it. She needed to not be touching him, not be touching anyone. “I’ve had enough, I think. I’m going to go take a shower.” 

“If you’re sure,” Five said, but he looked tired too. “Because I don’t want to leave you -”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she said, and she sat up fully, groping around for her clothes. “Thanks,” she said, and she was looking at her own knees. “I think… I think I needed that.” There was some kind of weird satisfaction to it all. She still had It, whatever It was. “Is this going to make things weird?”

Five’s expression turned contemplative, and then he shrugged. “In this family, who could tell?”

She couldn’t really argue with that.

* * *

Allison took a long hot shower. She washed off Five’s sweat and come, and she let herself luxuriate in her own body, her fingers pinching her nipples just the right way, her palms skating across the softness of her own belly. She washed his come out of her with a washcloth, and then she rubbed herself with her fingers, her eyes shut, imagining kissing… who? Diego’s full mouth, Klaus’s thin hands, Luther’s broad chest, Vanya’s soft breasts. She came, with the image of her siblings in her mind, and she sank down to sit on the bathtub, too full of some emotion she didn’t know the name of to feel any shame.


End file.
